Hell And Back
by Miz Thang
Summary: A hell god comes to town for Spike. Buffy goes to save him and ends up feeling like she ended up in the twilight zone. She makes a few realizations a bit too late. And yet, still has a happy ending. Answer to SOG Ficathon Challenge.


**Hell And Back**

Buffy was content to stick to patrolling all night and avoiding everyone she knew. She couldn't stand to be around them at that moment. Xander and Anya were all happy and couple-y and smooching and laughing because they were engaged. Tara was a scarce sight herself and Willow had managed to de-rat Amy and was having a grand old time out all night. As for Dawn? The girl spent most of her time at Janice's despite the whole "you can **not** hang out with the girl that almost got you killed by vampires" lecture she received. And Spike, she wasn't going to think about.

Not his smirk, laugh, eyes, lips, voice…nothing. And now…she was going to stop thinking about him because the kisses meant nothing. They were mistakes. Very nice mistakes, but still mistakes.

The sound of fighting drew her towards the center of the cemetery, and more importantly, Spike's crypt, where she saw three demons run off just as she got closer. Spike was meanwhile fighting two demons and, without thinking about it, she grabbed one and kicked it in the chest.

"Please tell me this isn't loan shark again!" She yelled, punching the demon in the face.

"Don't know where they came from." Spike responded, punching the demon he fought and then kicking it.

Buffy rolled her eyes as she shoved her demon back into a tree. "Great."

* * *

She tapped her foot patiently on the tiled floor of her castle. Three lumbering demons stood before her, having failed and been sent back. 

Red eyes flashed angrily. Her voice was clipped and monotonous, angry as she spoke with an unfamiliar accent. "I asked for a simple thing, really. Go to the dimension. Get the vampire that looks like the Slayer. And for some reason you couldn't do that!"

"N-no, great Queen of all. The Slayer of that dimension showed up just as…" the first one started and the second one elbowed him.

"Just as you what?" She walked closer to them and they flinched. "Just as you left? Ran off like cowards? As in she didn't even kill you first!"

Flames reflected behind her eyes and steam seemed to rise around her. "I am going to go myself." She waved her hand. "And you three…are just dead."

"No!" the demons exploded into ash and she sat down angrily.

She looked at the chair next to her with a small smile before seeing the piles of ash in her peripheral vision. "Can't get decent help these days."

* * *

Buffy staked the demon in the heart and hoped that would kill it, relieved as it melted away into nothingness. Spike then twisted the neck of the demon he was fighting and the dead body did the same as the first, melting away. 

From what it had looked like the demons had attacked Spike. She also had a feeling that she met, well not met, ran into demons like those before.

"Okay," she turned to face Spike. "Any ideas species-wise?"

"Seemed like bigger versions of those minions that Glory bint had." Spike answered, not looking at her.

He'd bring up the kissing thing they had a tendency to do now, but she'd probably blow it off and leave him to guess about the demons himself. Demons that had the nerve to come and attack him without giving him a decent reason.

"Hell god minions? As in another one in Sunnydale? Do you think…?"

"What? That though your sister has blood with the power to open portals and **end the world** no one's here looking for her? 'Course they're here for Niblet."

Buffy nodded but idly wondered why the hell were the demons attacking Spike if they were after Dawn. "Come on, I think she's home."

"You mean you don't know?"

Dawn had told Spike that lately she felt like Tara and himself were the only ones that paid her any attention. She'd said that Buffy never noticed anything. That she did things. That was how he'd found out about her kleptomania. With that information, he found Tara and the blonde witch took Dawn to every store to return everything. The teenager now had a job on Saturdays and Sundays, a job at the Magic Box three days of the week after school, and at another store the other two days. She was a pretty busy girl now.

"Bloody…Buffy, you might want to pay a bit more attention to your sister." Spike said.

Buffy stopped. He was going to tell her how to raise her sister now? "What do you know?" She asked accusingly.

"Only that Dawn feels like you're neglecting and avoiding her. I wonder why…Think it could be because you are?" Spike raised an eyebrow and waited to see what she said.

"I…" All the wind blew out Buffy's sails. It was bad enough that Dawn felt that way. But that she couldn't even tell Buffy but could tell Spike, and probably Tara, hurt worse. "I'm a bad sister."

"You're not a bad sister."

"Yeah, I am. I didn't even notice that she was different and stuff. For God's sake, I didn't even know if she was home two minutes ago. I'm supposed to know."

"Let's just go. You can talk to Dawn later. Get it all sorted out and everything." Spike said.

"You're right. It doesn't matter right now. We just have to find her and beat whoever this god is."

* * *

She waited patiently as the hour grew late and he emerged from the house. She watched him stroll down the walk and slipped from behind the tree to follow him. She could admit, there's was nothing special about him. Not supernaturally. 

If you got to personality and physically, she'd have a list. She'd heard of his disregard for Glorificus' power and kind of liked it. It made him interesting, someone she'd appreciate on the throne, just like her first love…

She stopped herself. There'd be no thinking about him anymore.

Spike looked at her suspiciously the minute she came into view. "Who the hell are you?"

"Rinviscus. Call me Rin. Very distant cousin to Glorificus. I think you met her."

Spike narrowed his eyes, regarding her carefully. "So, what, you came looking for what she couldn't get?"

"I have no interest in the Key. I came," Rin was suddenly in front of him. "For you. My minions are incompetent. Can't properly follow directions. I've got an offer you can't refuse."

"Doubt it." Spike moved to pass her and continue down the street. He didn't know where she came from or who she thought he was, but there was no way he was about accept some kind of proposition.

Rin smirked, stopping him. Her eyes reflected flames for a moment as she yanked him back towards her. "You didn't let me finish. You won't be refusing, because I'm not giving you the chance."

That said, she pushed him, sending him crashing on to the porch harshly. She smiled and moved to collect her king-to-be.

Buffy was following Dawn and Willow towards the stairs when there was a crashing sound outside. They turned back and opened the door to see a white-haired, red-eyed demonic female smiling as she leaned over a prone Spike.

Buffy wasn't thinking as she tackled the woman off the porch. They landed on walkway and rolled, fighting for the advantage.

"The Slayer. Great." Rin muttered, shoving Buffy off her, and flipping to her feet. "Let's get this over with."

Buffy attacked, wishing the Olaf hammer wasn't at the Magic Box as Rin blocked every hit. The hell god's lips curved into a weird smile just before she clocked Buffy in the mouth.

Buffy flew back into the front door. Dawn raced to help her up as Willow began to mutter a spell under her breath. "Ow." Buffy muttered as she was on her two feet.

A portal had opened in that time, and it wasn't Willow's doing. Rin lifted Spike into her arms. And the three Scoobies instantly knew what she was going to do.

"Will, how long can you keep this open? Can you trace it?" Buffy asked in a panicked voice. She had to save Spike. When that became a priority for her, she had no clue. All she knew was that she had to do this. She had to go after him. She'd question why later.

"Yeah, why- Buffy?" Willow looked at her friend in surprise.

"You're going to bring Spike back, right?" Dawn asked, watching Rin jump through the portal.

"Promise, Dawnie." Buffy jumped off the porch and through the portal, rolling to land on her hands and knees as it closed behind her. She looked up, throwing her loose hair out her face. "Oh. Hell."

And she meant that in the most literal sense possible. She had no clue what rightly possessed her to jump after Spike and she preferred not to think about it.

She stood, dusting off her jeans. The sky was red. Red as the hell god's eyes had been, with clouds of black, blocking out the sun that should've been visible. The ground was icky and black and she had this strange feeling as if she was sinking in it the longer she stood still.

She took a step forward, looking around…and seeing absolutely nothing. "Great. A desert. Just. Great."

How was she supposed to find Spike if this damn place was a des…

And then, it wasn't. Buildings and people began to appear, and she then saw Rin blocks ahead, with Spike.

Buffy hid behind a tree that appeared, watched the white-haired beauty carry her prize towards a huge castle.

"They always need a huge castle, don't they?" Buffy jumped and turned to see…herself?

Only this version had brownish-blonde hair, as if she tried to dye it darker. Her eyes were just as green as the Slayer's. She bore a bite scar on her neck, a smirk on her face and her skin was pale. She also wore an all-leather ensemble.

"Huh?"

"You must be the Slayer. I'm Ellie. My sire said you'd be here." Buffy's look alike said, half-friendly in her introduction.

"You're a-"

"Vampire? Wondered how long it'd take you to notice. Now, you have to come with me." Ellie began to drag her off, staying in the shadows.

Buffy stopped her. She was trying to wrap her mind around what she'd just found out. There she was. Another her. With darker hair. And a lack of reflection, needing to breathe, or sunbathing. And vampires were not trust worthy…unless they were Angel, or Spike. Oh no, not the Spike thing. Forget the Spike thing.

"Why should I go anywhere with you?"

Ellie smiled, obviously amused at Buffy's distrust. "Look, I'm going to tell it to you straight. This place? It's Glory's hell dimension. Doesn't look like much does it? Looks like your world? Thing is, Glory's failure brought a different hell god to this dimension. And when Rinviscus took over, they all vanished, got killed, got tamed. Something of that kind. Demons stay away from us, Rinviscus' rules. And they only come out at night. It's gotten…peaceful. Eck. Anyway, the Slayer died closing the portal and unlike your friends, the ones here didn't mess with the dark arts."

"What?" Was this a world with a different Slayer? One that didn't have a witch friend to resurrect her? How did Ellie become a vampire?

"I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention that things happened here exactly like they did there, but not?"

* * *

Rin swept into her master bedroom, laying Spike on the bed. She pulled out a pair of handcuffs and moved to cuff him to the bed. 

She sat down, just as the wedding planner entered. " Ah," the redhead sighed. "Is this the king-to-be?"

"Yes." Rin grinned. The planner could be annoying every once in a while, but she served her purpose and that's all that really mattered. "Let's talk exquisiteness."

Willow returned the gesture, pulling out a catalog. "I think we've reached an understanding, my Queen."

* * *

"Can I say that you've totally lost me? Because you have." Buffy said as they hurried down the dark streets. 

"It's very easy, Buffy. Everyone in your world, would be the opposite here."

"Okay…give me some examples." Buffy's head was spinning. What could be so different here? And if so, how different were they talking?

They reached Revello Drive and Buffy's eyes widened as they entered it. It was exactly the same…except not.

"Hey, witch!" Ellie yelled, "Bit!"

Buffy was expecting Willow and Dawn as she took in the living room, only to find Tara and a brunette boy come from the kitchen. This Tara had dark brown hair though and seemed very confident.

_Okay, so not Willow and Dawn._

"Hey, Ellie. Who's that?" the boy asked the vampire that leaned against the wall.

"The Slayer."

"Ellie…they're usually guys here." Tara said, her face scrunched up in confusion.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Wait, they're **guys**?" Buffy cut her clone off. Guys. Slayers were guys here. Now she was completely sure she either ate the wrong thing before bed or was thrown into the twilight zone.

"Yeah. Where are **you** from?" The teenager asked, curious.

"Another dimension. In mine, this is a hell dimension."

"It's one here too." Tara said in answer. "Ellie, maybe you should go find Angelus. It was his vision anyway, right?"

Ellie left and the teenage boy turned to Tara. "Should I call Drusilla?"

"Yeah." Connor left and Tara turned to face Buffy. They went into the living room and sat on the couch. "Here, a guy was the slayer. I met him in high school. Giles was his watcher. Cordelia Chase was this really popular girl in school. Anya, first dated the guitar player Oz of this band called-"

"Dingoes Ate My Baby." Buffy jumped in, realizing how crazy this world really was. But how much like hers it was at the same time.

"Yeah. Anyway, after, she met Xander. Oz is in L.A. with Drusilla, working against this living hell that this is-"

"The Slayer. Who was he?" Buffy asked even as her mind knew deep down what the answer was.

"Spike. Most of the time, we called him Will. And Connor's his brother…" Tara went on to talk about the day she first met him.

Buffy froze in complete shock. Oh, yeah. She was definitely in the twilight zone.

* * *

Spike woke up with his wrists above his head and pulled, finding them to be handcuffed to the bed, metal clanging. 

"You're awake." Rin smiled at him.

It was nice to see him. Ever since her loss, she'd spent all her time searching for a match close enough. And there he was. She felt oddly and annoyingly complete.

"Let me out, you psycho bitch!" Spike yelled from his position restrained on the bed.

"If I did that, I'd have to cancel the wedding."

"Wedding? What wedding?"

Rin continued to smile. " Ours. I was thinking of wearing white, but I figured there was no point, what with this being hell and all. So, I'm going for red. And you can stick to black. After the marriage ceremony is the ascension, then the honey moon, and after, we'll be the evilly happy king and queen."

"Get this: I don't want, and I won't, marry you."

"The other you didn't either. Both have the same stupid girl-"

"Other me?" Spike sat up a bit, hearing this. So, they were in an alternate dimension-turned-hell? One that was closely parallel to what he knew?

"Was. Glory and her stupid desire to get here. Lightning and portals on this side. Demons trying to get out of here to your dimension. He was trying to stop it when his brother-"

"Brother?" A brother. He had a bloody brother. This was starting to border line on unbelievable.

"Yes. Stop interrupting me. His brother told him about this creepy redhead stabbing him and-"

"And my wholesome human carbon-copy jumped through the portal, thus killing himself." Spike finished, coming to the very startling conclusion that he was the slayer. The clue was when Rin told him he had a brother. That made it obvious.

"In…in a nutshell. Glory died on the other side. Good riddance. I'd have killed her. For that and the fact that I worked hard for all this." Rin said indignantly.

"So, here, I'm dead." Spike concluded.

"Yes." Rin answered.

"And, for some reason, you're in love with me."

"Yep."

"And you came after me to be your substitute."

"Got it in one." Rin stood. " I'd rest if I were you. The wedding's tonight and after everything's done, I plan on having fun."

She headed for the door as Spike took a final shot at getting her to let him loose.

"Could you get rid of these?" he shook the metal. "They're cutting off my circulation!"

Rin stopped at the door. "Nice try. You don't have circulation." She opened the door.

"Well…it pinches." He complained as the door shut behind her.

He thought about everything he'd found out in the past five minutes and only three words came to mind. "Bloody fucking hell."

* * *

"Angel, honey, where are you?" Ellie called out, entering her crypt slowly. She was beyond her limits today. Being brought back into the past. With Spike gone it was so freaking hard. 

She turned in time to see Angelus come out the shadows. "Elizabeth…"

"That's me. That girlie slayer you told me about is here." Ellie truthfully didn't understand what possessed her to let Angelus back into her life and bed. But, once again, she thought of how her life had been for the past five or six months. It was hard. And lonely. And, damn it, Angelus was better than nobody.

"You want the vampire that looks like the slayer." Angelus stated. There that was. That lack of questioning because he already knew.

Truthfully, she had no clue what was wrong with Drusilla. Making an insane vampire was downright stupid, but then again, that was what tall, lean and dark would do. Make a completely insane vampire that would make her look like she was fit to be the psychologist and not the psycho.

"No, I don't. I just…" Ellie trailed off, following Angelus with her eyes. "Well, yeah, I do."

Her sire stopped and turned to look at her, titling his head as if he knew what she was going to say before she even knew.

"We're not going to work, Angel." She liked calling him Angel. Because, despite how stupid it was, she still thought of him that way. The angel that saved her from a life of uptightness and aristocracy. "I just can't be…how safe is he?"

Ellie's heart dare beat as she thought of seeing him again. If she had to, she'd die for him. It was just her way. Love's bitch, slave, pet. Didn't matter what degrading word came after it. The thought of having him back around for a little while, even if not quite him and with a case of vampric tendencies was enough for her.

"Fine…unfortunately. The red-eyed monster wants to make him hers tonight." He shrugged.

Tonight? It was an eternal thing. Night. The last time the sun shined was when it rose the day Spike…

"And you call that fine?" Ellie asked calmly. Well, somewhat calmly. "I have to go."

Angelus was looking at her again. That was the look that usually had her taking him back, or begging him to take her back. "I'll always love you, Angel." He smiled before she finished. "But…take your stuff and be gone when I get back." Ellie backed out the crypt, taking her last look at Angelus.

She ran all the way back to the Summers' home, bursting inside. "Problem!"

* * *

Buffy had sat in silence, dimly aware of Tara reaching the point where she and Cordelia realized they were in love with each other. Then the door burst open, Ellie running inside and yelling, "Problem!" 

Buffy automatically turned to her mirror image. "Spike's the slayer here?"

"Was. Here, his friends wouldn't bring him back. Unwilling to take the risk."

"Ellie-" Tara started, looking guilty as she stood up.

"Tara, we got past it. Where's Connor?"

"Right here." He called out, coming from the kitchen. "Dru said she'd keep an eye out. Oz said 'hi' and so did everyone else."

"Okay…what's the plan?" Buffy asked as Xander and Anya entered…only, this Anya was a natural blonde with dyed red hair and Xander's hair was a lighter brown, nearly blondish.

"Attack of the Evil Undead."

Dimly, Ellie wondered where the hell he got that. And like he should be talking. At least when she got all demon-y, pointy spikes didn't show up in inappropriate places.

"Very funny." Ellie and Buffy said without humor simultaneously. "Buffy here is the slayer in her dimension."

"That explains the stuck up look to her that you lack." Anya said.

"I'm not stuck up." Buffy said, losing track of the topic of discussion. Anya only gave her a look before sitting down with Xander close to her.

"Back on topic, people! The Spike from your world is only in danger of having to marry the 'Queen' of this world, Rinviscus." Ellie announced, leaning on the doorframe.

"Uh…why would she do that?" Buffy raised an eyebrow. Someone wanted to marry Spike. Forever. Spike had admirable qualities. His looks mostly, and most of his personality, but…

"Short version?" Anya said. "Love."

"Well, let's get to kicking Rin's ass once and for all." Ellie pushed herself away from the wall, rubbing her hands in anticipation.

"Kinda eager for that…and wondering why." Buffy said to herself, having an idea why love and Spike in the same sentence bothered Ellie. If Ellie's position was anything like her Spike's, and she wasn't going to think about the "her Spike's" thing, she had been in love with the slayer.

"Buffy and I'll go. We'll check back or call you for backup." Ellie said.

Connor gave her his cell phone. "Actually use it for once."

"Will try." Ellie grinned, leaving with Buffy close behind.

"You're in love with your Spike." Buffy said, blocks away from Revello Drive.

"And your Spike's in love with you." Ellie retorted as they reached the high fence. She vaulted over the top and landed neatly on the grass.

Buffy followed after her. "Yeah."

Huh. She was admitting it. Spike actually did love her. Somehow, seeing herself in love as a vampire sans soul ruined any thoughts that Spike was lying about his feelings. Which made her recent ones all that easier to accept.

"Why…how can you love him?" Buffy asked, trying to figure out what she was missing. What Ellie had seen that she couldn't…yet?

"I know what you're going to say." Ellie stopped walking and turned to face Buffy. "Me-vampire, him-slayer. It's so complicated and muddled and I'm still trying to figure it all out myself.

"But…I think, when it comes down to it, he's everything I could ever love wrapped into a nice, Spike-shaped package. Confident, strong, just a bit too righteous, caring, good, my light and day, and determined. He's like my sunshine, so I wouldn't even miss the sun if it was gone with him here." She paused a single tear following. "And the caring part I really mean. We had a moment alone. On his stairs. I had finally given up, when he told me that he had a crumb for me. And, God, I held onto it all night with everything I had in me. And then…

"So, I guess I'm worse off than your Spike. Because he gave me it. He gave me the crumb I asked for before going out to save the world and dying." She wiped away the tears angrily, not having been a crier for decades. "Always said they had death wishes."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe he couldn't live without his sis…brother. Connor. Could he live and love, continue on, knowing that his brother was dead and he could've saved him?"

Buffy was mostly speaking for herself. How she felt. She felt encompassing terror when the portal opened, fearing Giles would go and kill Dawn. Actually worried as she caught Spike falling from the corner of her eye. And knowing she had to do this. For herself. For Dawn. For her mother. For the world. What good would she have been without her sister?

"Don't rightly know. What I know is that I made a promise to a man that stole my heart. And I'm keeping it." Ellie turned away, running from tree to tree.

They didn't speak as they raced across the property, their minds on Spike for two completely different reasons. Ellie thinking of seeing him again, Buffy thinking of what she'd do when they got back to their dimension.

At one tree, Ellie whispered, "I miss his voice."

"What?" the blonde slayer whispered back.

"I miss his voice the most. Whether he was threatening to kill me, or telling me to 'sod off'. I loved his accent. And his coat. And his hair. And his eyes. I wish I could see him one more time. I miss fighting with him, verbally and physically. I miss how he'd smoke a cigarette and in these weird friendly times we'd joke about him dying from lung cancer and not an apocalypse. God, I miss **everything**."

Buffy was suddenly taken aback by how much a vampire version of her could love a human-slayer version of Spike. She then wondered if Spike loved her with that passion and had a feeling he did.

_Maybe you should give it a chance. Talk to Spike for once. Seems like he was more understanding than you._

"Did you chain him up?"

"Did a bit worse. I let Angel bite him before Captain Dickweed showed up. That white bread idiot. I don't know who sired him, but, **God**-"

Buffy covered Ellie's mouth as a shadow passed by. They then went back to making their way inside the castle, knocking out the guard demons and following the music.

Buffy had more things jumbling her brain before, mostly about Spike. With those thoughts, she decided to save Spike now and worry about her feelings later. Good idea.

* * *

Spike growled as he was forced to kneel inside a circle of sand in the middle of the room. He was beyond pissed that he had to deal with an obsessed hell god and was quickly on his way to crazy. Maybe even committing suicide crazy just to avoid marrying her. 

Rin smiled as she entered, the room her eyes only on Spike as she kneeled across from him. Four minions surrounded them and began the ceremony with a mixing blood and sharing which actually had him disgusted. The minions chanted and he was quickly becoming less and less fond of the turn of events.

"Um, are we at the part where I get to say that I don't think these two should get married?" Buffy stood at the entrance, Ellie on her cell phone to her right. She had a grin on her face, so not to convey the anger and hate she currently felt towards Rin.

Rin turned, rage obviously on her face. "Kill her!" She looked back at Spike. "I will not have this ruined." She began to chant in her minions' absence, building up the magic.

Ellie's whole world had turned over and fallen away when she saw him. She ducked an arm, pulling out Connor's cell phone. "Connor? Tell Tara and Cordy that they might want to get you all here to back the Slayer. I'm going after Rinviscus." She hung up and raced across the room, landing a kick to the hell god's face.

"I think you made a mistake, Rin." Ellie said, trying to ignore Spike's presence. It hurt too much.

Rin smirked. "Actually." She punched Ellie and the vampire flew onto the table feet away. " I think you made it."

Ellie groaned. "Ow." She forced herself off the table. The hammer appeared in front of her and she grabbed it. "Tara, I love you right now." She managed to hold it up and raced at Rin, swinging it at the crazy god's gut.

Buffy was in a midst of demons, fairly able to see Spike trying to pick the locks on the cuffs as Ellie beat Rin with the hammer.

"Buffy." Xander said. He kicked a demon and watched it fly into a wall. Buffy came to the conclusion that he was nothing like her Xander until she saw the goofy grin on his face. Okay, maybe he was a little like him.

Ellie swung again but Rin grabbed it, flinging her into a wall. The hell god then pulled out a stake, turning to Spike.

"I loved you." She had an insane gleam in her flame-reflecting eyes. "And it was weird because we're not supposed to. But that's not the point. The point is that you gave her- **her**-"she pointed at Ellie's slowly rising body, "a chance. I don't mean to sound terribly clichéd, but if I can't have you, no one can."

Spike cursed under his breath as he worked harder to at least break the cuffs if he couldn't unlock them. By then, the stake was slowly arcing towards his chest and his mind began to go through the past few years.

And then, he was still there, staring into a pair of pain-filled green eyes that, though beautiful, weren't the ones he knew. "Love you." She whispered, falling to ash.

Buffy was racing forward, slowing as she saw Ellie willingly throw herself in front of a stake for Spike. Anger fueled her once more, whether it was for Spike or Ellie didn't matter. It was there. She lifted the hammer into her hands easily.

"Hey, bitch!" Rin turned her way and Buffy swung the hammer into her face. She advanced and hit the god in the stomach. And the side. Then the face and the gut.

Soon Rin lay unmoving. Buffy closed her eyes slowly. Ellie's death was still clear in her mind, as clear as Spike's near death. She kept her eyes closed as she raised the hammer and brought it done for the final, fatal hit.

Buffy didn't have to look at the group to know they were in shocked silence. Whether it was seeing Spike alive, seeing Ellie dead or both, unknown. She didn't have time to think about it, kneeling by Spike and breaking the cuffs. "Hey."

She helped him to his feet and they stood. "Buffy. Care to explain the carbon copy?"

"That was me. From this dimension." Buffy said as they slowly made their way over to the Scoobies. She noticed that Cordelia had joined the group. "Sorry about Ellie."

Connor was the calmest one. "She finally got to do what she wanted."

"What was that?" Spike asked, unable to help the feeling that a part of him belonged to the group. And he liked that. The belonging feeling. The need and desire to stay with them.

"Die saving you." Cordelia said softly, smiling.

"Anyone care to explain?" the bleached blonde asked.

* * *

Cordelia lead Connor and Spike to the place for what they were doing. Tara understood the point of this and agreed not to stop them. To let Spike make the choice, on both accounts. 

When Angelus had originally had the vision, she'd just written the spell. And she just knew. She knew she'd get to use it.

The air felt kind of chilly to all three as Cordelia watched Connor and Spike climb the tower. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. She opened them, gray eyes flashing up to the tower. She took a step onto the rubble and kneeled down.

"Can't believe I'm doing this." Spike muttered. Then he looked at Connor who seemed happily anticipating the results. Yes, he could.

"Goddess of love, charity, and fortune." Cordelia whispered.

Spike felt something go through him. A spirit maybe. Connor looked at him and the bleached blonde nodded in answer.

"Will, that demon chic…"

"_I come to you in askance."_

Something seemed to take control of the two males that stood on the tower, sweeping them into the spell and spiraling them back into the memories of this dimension.

"She cut you." Spike said, his voice holding a concerned, brotherly tone. "We have to get you down from the tower before-"

"_Not of evil, but of good."_

Connor remembered everything they said. He could feel himself getting swept up in the past. He looked at the quickly forming portal beneath them. "It's too late. I have to jump."

"_The warrior of light, life taken in this very spot, I ask for."_

"You're not jumping." Spike said, grabbing his brother's arm and yanking him away from the portal and the edge.

"_Allow him to visit. To make a life-altering decision of his own choice."_

It wasn't just the past anymore. The portal was forming beneath them. It was real. Very real.

"Then what, Will? You're going to let the world end?"

"_Cordy? Why am I-"_

"If I have to. I'm not letting you jump and that's final." He was sorry to do this but nothing would let him give up the only family he had left. Not his friends, not the world. Then he remembered what he told Connor months ago. About their blood being one in the same. What they'd found out about the portal. Connor's blood was his blood. "The portal will close when the blood flows no more."

"_Make a decision. Life, here, or Death, heaven?"_

"Will?" Connor saw the look on his face when Spike looked at him and shook his head. "Will, no."

"_A-a decision?"_

"It's the only way."

"_Yes. Do you accept this resurrection?"_

"No it isn't! Let the world end, okay, but I'm not going to let you jump in my place!" Connor said. Tears were starting to form because he knew he wouldn't be able to stop his brother.

"_I…yes. I accept it."_

"Connor, listen to me. Life isn't going to go the way you want it all the time. It's hard."

"_Are you sure?"_

"Don't tell me this! Just…stay here with me."

"_Of course I am."_

"I can't. One thing I need you to do. Wait for the right moment, okay? You'll know. And tell Ellie I'm sorry. Tell, tell **everyone** I'm sorry, and I love them. But I **have** to do this."

"_Very well. The choice has been made."_

Spike gave Connor a sorrowful smile, backing away before running and leaping off the tower. The portal came quickly, hitting him like a tidal wave.

He was back to himself, the role-playing over as the currents ran through him. All he felt and knew was pain. He just wanted this to be over. His thoughts were on Buffy. Buffy and Dawn. It was always about them. And always would be about them.

Connor sat down on the tower, wiping away tears that meant nothing anymore. It still hurt after nearly half a year without him. And it'd probably still hurt, even with him back.

Cordelia jerked, flying back as the soul she'd released from the afterlife flew into Spike, the resurrection complete. There was a bright flash as the portal disappeared.

The witch stood slowly, making her way to the rubble, and feeling déjà vu-ish. She let out a sigh of relief when she caught the rise and fall of his chest and felt the bond she'd created start again. He opened his eyes and she smiled, giving him a hand.

They turned as one to where Connor was reaching the bottom and Cordelia watched with a smile as Connor hugged his brother.

"_Everything is set right. It is done."

* * *

_

Buffy put the hammer back, feeling like she'd done something wrong by using it. Erasing the memories of Spike and Ellie associated with it.

She smiled at the group, wondering where Spike, Connor and Cordelia were. They were up to something, maybe just to catch up. That's at least what Tara said, swearing that sometimes it seemed like Cordelia was the best friend and not the other way around.

Cordelia entered first, followed by Spike and Connor. The teenage boy was grinning from ear to ear. Cordelia had a sedate smile on her face and Spike had a different, bit more relaxed, air about him.

Buffy had this bad feeling. "Spike?" she frowned, trying to pinpoint what was so different now.

"He said that he loved you and to tell Dawn he was sorry." Cordelia said.

The implications of that message made it very clear that it wasn't the Spike she knew standing across from her. "What did he do?"

"Spike?" Tara looked at the bleach blonde. He raised and eyebrow at her and suddenly found himself with an armful of Tara.

"Been a good witch?" he asked lightly just before Anya joined the group hug of the three friends.

Buffy was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Was what she did all for nothing?

"Spike, you're back! No more dead you." Anya mumbled as she clung to her friends.

Buffy stopped that thought. It was worth it. In the fixed-a-group-of-friends sense. In the she-just-lost-something sense, no. It hurt. A lot. And now, she had all these things she wanted to tell Spike. But he wasn't there anymore. And he wouldn't be.

"Yeah. Gotta thank the other me for that one." Spike said.

Buffy understood the lack of worrying about her feelings. If this Spike, the slayer, knew anything about her world, he'd know all the things she'd done. All the mixed signals and the inability to decide what the hell she wanted.

He'd know that even though she made the same mistakes as Spike in this world, her heart was colder than his. That she couldn't be as forgiving as him and had giving her Spike a chance. A crumb. Something to look forward to instead of being so awfully stupid and letting him think there was no chance. Thinking that they'd save the world and could talk later and not remembering that someone always dies when she lets them in.

And then she came back and she's miserable and Spike's like the only one that understood. **Was** the only one that understood. And she guessed that it was probably because she felt soulless. Dark and evil. And just not herself anymore. And there was Spike. Soulless. Dark and evil. But himself.

And there was the telling him everything, about heaven. And not thinking that maybe it hurt him. Maybe he saw it as a failure on his part that he couldn't stop Willow. That he loved her with all he had and for some idiotic reason she wouldn't let herself see it. Feel it.

Because she had an outlook on demons. Forged by Angel and Angelus. The great love with or without a soul debate. And she felt stupid now, because she'd never know what that would feel like. Loving Spike. Out in the open.

Thoughts were rushing to the forefront of her mind as the group began to reunite. The main thought that came had her worried. What was she going to tell Dawn? She'd promised. This would put her a peg lower with the teenager.

_Oh, God. Dawnie don't hate me._ She thought. She didn't know what she'd do if Dawn hated her.

"Willow, open the portal." She whispered as the pain her chest began to spread and grow in size. She had to get out of here. Just leave it behind and pretend she was okay. She could do that. She'd been doing that for years.

There were tears and laughter and Buffy couldn't take it anymore. More than the sudden emptiness, she felt like it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that her resurrection couldn't be like thus. All kisses and hugs and, damn it, she wanted to get out of here.

"Willow!" she yelled as it became too much. There was a flash of light as the portal appeared.

"Bye, Buffy." The group said, waving happily and oblivious to her despair.

She looked at Spike and, despite him not sharing her memories, knew they were connected. She knew they'd be seeing more of each other. Spike, vampire or slayer, would never get away from her so easily. And vice versa. She went to hell and back for him and she never gave up easily.

She hoped that she conveyed the message to him before turning around and jumping through the portal.

She rolled landing on one knee and never being so happy to see her yard in her life. Everyone was there as the portal closed behind her.

Dawn hugged her first, pulling away and frowning. "Where's Spike, Buffy?"

"Dawn, it's a **very** long story. Let's go inside."

* * *

Two months later

* * *

There were little bits of weirdness here and there. Angel had called about a sane Drusilla with a daughter named Dawn and saying it was Penn's. That led to a bunch of confusion that needn't be delved into. She also came with a duplicate set of his team, slightly different in regards to species, hair or eye color. 

Then Tara and Willow claimed they saw the former in the mall with Cordelia. It made Buffy start to think about the world she left behind months ago. Anya and Xander claimed to have seen themselves in the movies and Dawn said that one night she saw Spike.

At the official two-month mark, they were sitting in the Magic Box when a brunette and a dirty blonde entered. Lo and behold, it was Tara and Cordelia.

"What are you guys doing here?" Buffy couldn't help looking for Spike. Two months without him was driving her crazy. She'd all but forgotten about the group, delighting in the memories she did have.

"The hell dimension is…mingling with yours." Tara said, spotting Tara next to Willow as the others stood next to Buffy. "I have a look alike. Cool."

"Um, Cordelia, where's everyone else?" The Slayer figured she'd asked the former cheerleader so to dispel any confusion.

Just then, the door opened and the last four members came in. Anya was saying, "Remind me to keep Spike away from the spells. It's good for a slayer to know magic but really…"

"It wasn't that bad. Give it a bloody rest, Anya." Spike said, entering with Connor.

"So, you're hell dimension is blending with ours?" Dawn asked, deliriously happy to see Spike, even if not hers.

"That's about the gist of it, yeah." Spike answered.

"You know, things are going to get confusing. Half of us having the same name." Xander, Buffy's Xander, said.

"Yeah…I heard there's a baby in L.A. with my name." Connor and Dawn said simultaneously, smiling at each other.

"I'll take Joan!" Redhead Anya exclaimed. The group groaned, leading to amused smirks of the other set of Scoobies.

"Joan? What happened?" Buffy asked, a small smile on her face.

"Long story." Spike said.

"Not really." Tara interrupted. "Xander thought it'd be fun if there was a singing demon in town."

"Do you know how **not** fun it is to get carted off and threatened to become the queen of a really ugly demon?" Cordelia asked, sounding like the Cordelia Willow, Xander and Buffy knew.

"I said I was sorry." Xander grumbled, getting an affectionate pat from his girlfriend.

"And that wasn't the end of it." Connor said.

"Could we just maybe drop it?" Spike's Xander asked.

"No." his friends said simultaneously.

"So, after it was all over, he decided that maybe he'd make us forget that he did that…"

"Except he messed up and you lost all your memories of yourselves." Willow said knowingly.

"Yeah. I named myself Joan." Anya from Spike's side said.

Connor was looking at Willow weirdly, knowing he knew her from somewhere in their world. Then Dawn came over to him. "Dawn Summers."

"Connor Jamison."

They smiled at each other and drifted off to a corner to talk.

Spike and Buffy watched their siblings and walked toward each other. "Wanna go in the back? Talk maybe?" Buffy asked, suddenly having idea of what Ellie meant when she said she missed miss voice.

"Lead the way." Spike followed her to the training room, closing the door behind them. He stood across from her on the mat. "Buffy."

"So, um, I guess you're here to stay…" Buffy trailed off.

"Yeah, the dimension merge helps." Spike raised an eyebrow, watching her pace.

Buffy stopped and walked over to him. "That's a good thing, right?"

"Well, yeah, I'd think-"

He was cut off when Buffy claimed his mouth in a searing kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. Spike responded in kind, holding her to him as he deepened it.

Buffy was in a different world. She had him back. At least a little. She could admit it. She'd loved Spike and that had scared her and life without him was worse. She knew nothing about the man she was kissing. Only that he faced things similar to her. Went through the same things. But she wanted to know more. Had to know more in order to fall in love again. Let herself love again. Didn't matter what, Spike was her present and her future.

Spike wished he and Ellie had had more time to figure out what was forming between them. To find love with each other. And maybe that side of her wasn't meant to be with him. And that was okay.

After Buffy left, Tara told him what happened. What Ellie had done for the other him. What Buffy had done afterwards. And he knew that she cared more then she'd said. When she'd looked at him before leaving, he'd felt this emptiness. Just having her standing across from him helped. He wanted to get to know her, because he didn't. She wasn't Ellie and he'd never pretend she was.

They weren't being stupid. Or in denial. They knew that the person they were with could never be the one they knew. But they were willing to try and see if similar was good enough. And only time would tell if it was worth it to go through hell and back for each other.

**

* * *

A/N: Do you know what the most fun part about this fic is? Why I love it so much? I had so much fun writing it, and then reading it, and then adding in parts. I was so completely not serious. Well, I was, but not too much.**


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